I feel alittle lost and overwhelmed right now….

I can’t be losing sleep
over this, no I can’t
and now I cannot stop pacing
give me a few hours
I’ll have this all sorted out
if my mind would just stop racing

cause I cannot stand still
I can’t be this unsturdy
this cannot be happening

this is over my head
but underneath my feet
cause by tomorrow morning
I’ll have this thing beat
and everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

cause I’m waiting for tonight
and then waiting for tomorrow
and I’m somewhere in between
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream

would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
don’t be surprised if I collapse
down at your feet again
I don’t want to run away from this
I know that I just don’t need this

cause I cannot stand still
I can’t be this unsturdy
this cannot be happening, yeah

cause I’m waiting for tonight
and then waiting for tomorrow
and I’m somewhere in between
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream

And it’s been 2 months..No calls, No emails, No carrier pidgens, No smoke signals…But why do I still remain hopfull?

Do you run through each day On the fly? When you ask How are you? Do you hear the reply? When the day is done Do you lie in your bed With the next hundred chores Running through your head?

You’d better slow down Don’t dance so fast. Time is short. The music won’t last. Ever told your child, We’ll do it tomorrow? And in your haste, Not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch, Let a good friendship die Cause you never had time To call and say,”Hi”

You’d better slow down. Don’t dance so fast. Time is short. The music won’t last. When you run so fast to get somewhere You miss half the fun of getting there. When you worry and hurry through your day, It is like an unopened gift…. Thrown away.

Life is not a race. Do take it slower Hear the music Before the song is over.

Dear blog…Mood…Apethedic…

My life is a black abyss, spiraling downwards….. Actually my life is one big amusement park right now. The proverbial roller coaster of life. It’s been so long since I’ve posted so this maybe alittle long eh….Ok so..a few things first..

.Nolan came to see me in April…It was cool however we didnt get to fully enjoy ourselves because it snowed…. O_o …Yes..Snowed in April.. THAT was WACK! But I was still very happy that he came to see me <3 *Even if he did eat his adopted mother’s beef right infront of me…And slept with the whole football team* Sluuuuuut…..ANYWAYS….A few days after he left I got really sick again. Not near as bad as before when I went to the hospital but it hurt none the less…I missed 3 days of work..And even though I had percriptions and doctors notes and evaluations from it…My job still fired me. Kinda a bummer cause I liked that job and it paid good. The funny thing though…Is that I really havent been all that sick since they fired me…guess the decline in stress from that place did help. And even though I lost my job and all that good jazz…I was torn between being upset and relieved…They’re bastages for doing so…However they did show alittle patience with the whole thing over all so I cant really blame them too much. And with the closing of every door…There usually is another to be opened….Adam’s dear sweet boss offered me a job. Which is awsome because I love those guys!!! I’m just contract work right now but if I do good they’ll make me perminant. Right now I’m just doing data entry and updates however the real job they want me for is sort of a marketing position..well..sales…a leads program so to speak…anyways. My first week there was HELL!!! I had alot of personal stuff going on and on top of that I was so nervous about this new job and impressing them that I kept messing up…Locked myself out of my office *Yes I have my own private office!!!!* and the next day I locked my keys in the car while it was still running! lol I’m such a nerd. I’m pretty sure I’m doing a good job there and they like me..However I’m still concerned that my other boss Abigail wont like me…She’s the one that I really have to impress…And sometimes I fear I’m letting her down.

Ok so…Everything else in my life….When Adam and I moved in with eachother 3 years ago we knew that one day we were going to go our seperate ways….I just never thought bout it till now. He’s moved on now and I’m left here with that sick yet excited feeling you when you’re in the front cart of a huge roller coaster and you’re about to start the ride. The reality is that…I’ve never done this on my own….I’ve always had help…I’m happy for him because this is the happiest he’s been in a very long time..However ….I’m selfish…So..It’s like….what about me?….I miss him being here. Geri is still here with me which I’m really grateful for…Dunno if she realises that….And we got a new roomate..His name is Dana…He’s sweet…Let’s see how things go with him. A whole new life has started for me yet again and I’m scared to death!

I’ve been spending more time with my family lately…Even gave up going to see Lifehouse to spend the night with my little sister and see her play…I know that made her feel good..speclly since there were like…10 people there that night out of the whole town. This whole stupid CPS thing with Josh and Jenn I think has brought the family together more.

Dont you hate it…When you realise you love someone…And you want to be with them…And they disapear? I’ve been talking to someone for the last 2 years….And about the last..oh…6 months or so we’ve become more close..Only problem is he lives in a different state…He was suppose to come see me 2 weekends ago but then disapeared and wouldnt return my calls and stuff…Just…disapeared…It’s been a month now since he’s talked to me…And the more I dont get to talk to him the more I get upset…because I realised a short time ago I think I love him….meh…stupid men….Well…someone told me that 2 days before he was suppose to come he got in a bad wreck…Beat up pretty bad….Now…I know I’m going to sound like a horrible person right now but…Ok..so..he got in a wreck…but that doesnt explain why he stopped calling before that…And..it’s been like 2 weeks since the wreck…And still hasnt called…It’s there in the back of my mind..That…Maybe he didnt get in a wreck at all…Maybe he just doesnt want to talk to me…I dont want to think that at all but…I’m an alarmest I think the worst things until proven otherwise…Am I a horrible person because there’s alittle bit of doubt in my mind that the whole truth is being told?

Meh…I feel really sick right now…I think it’s a mixture of worrying about everything so much and…Yesterday I went and donated blood. I’ve done it tons of times…But..yesterday somthing happened and I had a bad reaction to it.After they were done my blood pressure dropped 20 points..And my pulse dropped 30 points and I passed out. They said that’s normal somtimes..They said you can donate a million times and then just one time your body doesnt take it well and bleh…I’m still all shakey and cant keep my blood sugar up and my temp has dropped alittle lower than normal.

Ya know what….We went to the Ihop Geri works at afterwards to eat…And we were all talkin bout it..And how Geri freaked out when I passed out because she said I looked dead lol says I looked as white as the freaking white sheets I was laying on. And the other workers and people we were talkin to…Every single one asked me…Why did you give blood?..Needed the extra money?…I was like..no…I dont get paid for it….I give reguarly and the blood center called me and said they’re having a national shortage of blood so they need extra donations from people….None of them could understand why I would go do that and get nothing in return….Have we gotten so disconnected?…So uncarring?…It’s just a pint of blood…That maybe one day I or my friends or family might need…Show alittle compassion or charity people!

Anyways…There’s my life right now in a nutshell…Thanks for reading…And if you didnt read it all and skipped to the end…Well…Meh on you!

Well, on my way to Greenville, TX last weekend to see my daughter’s karate tournament (more on that in a minute), I had a road buddy. Well, Maryanne and I had a road buddy. Sitting in a sea of vehicles we grew bored, so Maryanne puts on the ONE CD she has in her car that actually rocks. Kid Rock. Ever seen a short woman rap? HA!! Awesomeness!!

Anyway, I digress. I am sitting in the passenger side, jamming out to Maryanne proving her street cred, when a young couple pulls up beside me. They are laughing and pointing at me, giving me a thumbs up. Only a second of hesitation occurs before I do the most logical thing I can think of. I give them the devil’s horns of rock motion with my hands, and proceed to stick out my tongue and headbang. Of course. They became my road buddy.

Moving on. Daughter… karate tournament. It was her first tournament ever. She was quite nervous looking. How did she do? First place in both weapons kata and sparring! Woo hoo!! Of course, now I need to be scared that my 7 year old daughter can kick my ass with a pair of sais.

So one day last week I walked out of the house in the morning with my shirt on inside-out. I noticed this when I was backing out of the driveway and looked over my shoulder to see the inside seam of my shirt. I don’t know what’s worse: walking out the door with my shirt inside-out, or putting the car in park in the drive way, taking it off and putting it back on again the right way. I didn’t really think much of it at the time, and I guess no one really saw me except the trees. And I don’t mind flashing the trees.

 Viva los boobies!

Well, now I am! Just a couple of weeks ago The Lord of the Rings Online: Shadows of Angmar released to the public. LOTRO is a massively multiplayer game where you get to adventure as one of the free peoples of Middle Earth around the period where Frodo and the other hobbit-boys are getting ready to start their adventure.

So far… coolness! The graphics are top-notch. The gameplay is pretty good. And of course, the story… well, it’s Tolkien, so it naturally rocks! Overall, so far, it gets an A!

Not that I know this from personal experience that happened at the gym last night or anything. Nope, not at all. I’m just here to give advice to the masses in purely hypothetical situations.

Coffee is good for the soul. One should not deprive oneself…yes?